To Fully Live Or To Exist Is Your Choice

At times, everyone’s life changes and while we want to stay ahead of the curve, sometimes situations arise that we didn’t see coming. Well truth be told, some people see situations arising yet choose to ignore them, hoping whatever is going on will magically disappear. Others don’t respond because they don’t know what to do.

Think about it, so here you are…sitting right in the middle of a situation you know you shouldn’t have ignored. Let’s call it what it is- - divorce or a breakup of a relationship. Perhaps you’ve been a caregiver and that season of your life has ended, yet you are the executor of the estate and the thought of this scares you.

Perhaps you are a parent who looked ahead and strategically created experiences to share with your children as learning opportunities, to prepare them, so they’ll know how to navigate the twists and turns of life as they mature. They’re happy and you’re happy for their success, but now what will you do with the extra time on your hands you haven’t had in the past 20 years? You may not be, sure of who you are, nor who you want to be now that you have opportunity to focus on yourself. Not having answers to the questions frustrates you.

When you begin to brainstorm about the changes you think you should make, you become overwhelmed. There are so many options available, but you chose to focus on less stressful tasks. Over time, the matters you ignore typically grow and over time, become more complicated because of the amount of time unattended.

Choices you make, or don’t make limit your potential and overall performance in personal and professional life. Choosing not to address this, often limits our ability to see all the options you have.

To be fully present, I invite you to write down all the things in your life that you’d admit should have already addressed. Areas where this often shows up:

·        Leadership – professional and personal                                                     

·        Relationships

·        Personal development

·        Health, Wellness & Aging

·        Work Life balance

·        Career

·        Finance

·        Fun/Recreation

·        Spirituality

Challenges can arise in the form of external or internal blocks. External are the things you initially have no control of such as, when the project leader is unable to continue in their role, sudden occurrence of poor health requiring you to become a caretaker, lack of knowledge in a career you’re interested in.

 Internal blocks typically stem from:

·        Limiting beliefs

There are opportunities for growth when you become aware of what’s stopping you from achieving goals. It’s valuable to note that most leaders have the power to solve most challenges that may arise. Because the beliefs are subconscious, most people are unaware of what’s holding them back.

Yesterday I was engaged in conversation with a dear friend wants to make several life changes post a divorce. My friend lived a suppressed lifestyle for decades, so even though he has been single for a few years, he doesn’t know how to create what he says he wants most. Not moving forward frustrates and makes him sad at times. He explains there are so many areas in his life that need to be addressed so he does nothing. He sees only what is directly in front of him. When he visualizes what he wants to do with his life, he verbalizes reasons to prevent forward action. He lives in victim mode.

Let’s explore what limiting beliefs look and sound like. They typically originate from thoughts deriving from your beliefs about the world, other people, situations and even your own capabilities. These beliefs prevent you from accomplishing the success you say you want. Most often the beliefs stem from things you saw, heard or assumed when you were growing up. You may have heard or seen certain things in movies, books, from parents representing their beliefs that you subconsciously accepted as yours. When people don’t believe things are possible, they tend not to attempt to achieve whatever it is.

For example, if as a child you struggled with chemistry and a parent or teacher told you that you weren’t suited for it, imagine how this may have clouded your judgement of your capabilities if you believed it and applied it across the board in various aspects of life. If you had an older sibling who answered questions your parents posed to you when you were younger, you may have believed your voice wasn’t important. If you tell yourself that you always put more into relations than you receive, you may begin to doubt your worth.

Alternate ways of looking at the situations above, could mean you say:

When I apply myself and prepare, I do well when learning new concepts.

I can use my voice in ways that are beneficial. My voice matters.

I put effort into relationships I care about, regardless of how its reciprocated.

Exercise:

Create two columns. Write down 5 of your limiting beliefs. In the column next to them, write a positive solution focused alternative next to each.

What type of mindset would be helpful for you as you focus on the options that exist to place you in a positive, can do mindset?

Strategy to consider:

What do you really want?

How well is what you’re doing getting you the outcome you really want?

What is your current approach really costing you?

If there is another way to get the benefits you want at much less cost, how interested are you in learning it?

It may take consistent practice to really begin to see yourself as someone who leads their life proactively.

When you’re ready, begin by defining your top five core values. Commit to honoring them in all that you do going forward. From there, decide if things outside of your values matter.