The Hidden Link Between Personal Disruption and Workplace Conflict

Eventually, I ask everyone I coach or consult with the same question:

What are your core values?

Nine out of ten people cannot answer.

It is not because they do not have values. It is often because no one has ever asked them to identify what is truly guiding their decisions, priorities, and relationships.

The values someone held before experiencing a major personal disruption, such as divorce, caregiving, death, grief, or loss, may not be the same values guiding them afterward.

Most leaders may not recognize this shift immediately.

Their teams often notice it.

They see the leader who has become quieter during meetings. The one who has less patience. The one who suddenly struggles to make decisions or meet deadlines.

The behavior has noticeably changed, but the reason may remain hidden.

Identifying What Matters Most

In every engagement, we work backward.

I ask leaders to identify ten things that matter most to them now, both personally and professionally.

We narrow the list to five, then three. After giving them time to reflect, I strongly encourage them to choose one.

The one value they will not forsake, regardless of the circumstances.

The one thing that remains steady when everything else is changing.

I call it their “ride or die” value.

This exercise may sound simple, but it can reveal something important.

When someone experiences a significant personal disruption, their internal operating system can be quietly rewritten.

The experience may change what they value, how they make decisions, where they place their energy, and what they are willing to tolerate.

A leader who once valued achievement above everything may begin valuing family, peace, health, or time more deeply.

There is nothing wrong with this change.

The challenge appears when the leader has not had the time or space to recognize it.

They may continue trying to lead according to an old version of themselves while privately becoming someone new.

How Personal Disruption Can Appear at Work

Personal disruption does not simply disappear when someone returns to work or resumes their usual responsibilities.

A leader may be physically present while carrying an invisible emotional weight.

That weight may appear as:

• Difficulty prioritizing tasks• Missed deadlines• Reduced patience• Withdrawal from colleagues• Emotional or unusually short responses• Changes in communication• Difficulty concentrating• Disengagement• Crying privately in the breakroom• Simply trying to make it through the day

Some leaders apply for a leave of absence. Others may not realize that leave, workplace resources, or additional support could be available to them.

These changes are often labeled as poor performance, communication problems, or personality conflict.

But what looks like a performance issue may be a capacity issue.

What looks like resistance may be exhaustion.

What looks like disengagement may be someone trying to hold themselves together while continuing to lead.

A leader may be operating from a value system that changed after a personal disruption without fully understanding what changed.

This is when a deeply personal experience can begin affecting the team and the organization.

The Cost Organizations Cannot Afford to Ignore

A widely cited study from CPP Global, now The Myers Briggs Company, found that employees in the United States spent an average of 2.8 hours each week managing workplace conflict.

The resulting loss in productivity was estimated at approximately $359 billion annually.

That estimate dates back to 2008. Given today’s workloads and workforce pressures, the actual cost may now be even greater.

Research from the Society for Human Resource Management also shows that working caregivers experience strain across many areas of their lives, including their careers, relationships, finances, and mental and physical health.

These are not always employees sitting on the margins of an organization.

They are often experienced and highly valued leaders carrying years of knowledge that cannot be easily replaced.

When these findings are considered together, an important pattern begins to emerge.

Some situations recorded as personality clashes, poor communication, or performance problems may actually be signs of a leader navigating an unrecognized shift after personal disruption.

The conflict may be visible.

The real cause may not be.

Repeated Conflict May Be a System Failure

This is the intersection my LinkedIn Live cohost, Tabitha Liburd, LLB, LEC, M.A., and I explored together.

Her work is grounded in a powerful principle:

Repeated conflict is a system failure, not a personality problem.

Her Root Cause Diagnosis approach and my RISE™ Framework, Renew, Ignite, and Soar with Excellence™, examine the same challenge from two different perspectives.

Tabitha maps the organizational system.

I help leaders understand the values underneath the person operating within that system.

Together, these approaches encourage organizations to look beyond surface level behavior and consider what may actually be driving conflict, disengagement, and performance changes.

Before labeling a leader as difficult, unmotivated, or resistant, organizations can learn to ask better questions:

What has changed?

What might this person be carrying?

What values are guiding them now?

What support could help them renew, reconnect, and move forward?

These questions do not require leaders to disclose private details.

They simply create space for a more thoughtful and human conversation.

Tabitha and I explored this connection more deeply during our LinkedIn Live conversation. We discussed how personal disruption can affect leadership capacity, workplace relationships, and conflict, even when the real cause is not immediately visible.

Watch the full LinkedIn Live replay with Tabitha Liburd.

Begin With a Privacy Respectful Conversation

Managers and HR leaders do not need to become therapists.

They also do not need to have the perfect words.

What they need is a respectful way to acknowledge a change, open the conversation, and let the person know that support may be available.

The RISE™ Privacy Forward Conversation Starter is a free practical guide created to help leaders have supportive and privacy respectful conversations with team members who may be navigating personal challenges.

It includes:

• Conversation starters you can use when you notice a change• Guidance on what to say without asking for private information• Common phrases that may unintentionally close the conversation• A simple follow up approach that helps people feel remembered and supported• An introduction to the RISE™ Framework for leadership renewal and retention

You can use the guide as a starting point for creating conversations that protect dignity while still addressing changes in performance and capacity.

Download the free RISE™ Privacy Forward Conversation Starter.

When Your Organization Needs a More Personal Approach

Sometimes a conversation starter is enough to help a manager take the first step.

Other times, an organization may recognize a larger pattern affecting its leaders, teams, and workplace culture.

If your leaders are showing up differently after divorce, caregiving, grief, loss, or another personal disruption, you may need support that reflects the real experiences within your organization.

Together, we can explore customized resources that help leaders understand what has changed, reconnect with their values, and continue leading without abandoning themselves.

Schedule a consultation with Licia to explore what support may be helpful.

A leader’s behavior may be the first thing an organization notices.

But behavior is not always the whole story.

Sometimes the most meaningful step is to pause, look beneath the surface, and ask what the person may need to grow forward.

Humans first. Performance follows.